A blast from the past.

I was digging through some old boxes, looking for my graphing calculator (don’t ask, that’s a completely other story), and I found a poem someone wrote about me in college. We were both sitting in chairs cross from each other in the common area outside of the college cafe. I was sketching a drawing of him, and he was apparently writing a poem about me. We didn’t know each other, we hadn’t even seen each other previously on campus, but we were both inspired to be creative. I want to record it here in case it gets lost.

something’s crossing my eyes tonight -
a static of sort – just
swims of small loves – a girl
who studies the curves, but more,
the spins and the swirls of grace
sped through with patterns of
smallest hatches, the tiniest
swims of small loves – a girl
who studies my words, but only,
by glancing at the face. her eyes
know the everythings and the
only things i know. her eyes
are crossing mine tonight – just
swims of small loves

Goals.

When I started this post, I was trying to list goals for this year. Now, I think it is more important to express my goals in general. Some can be achieved this year. Others are longer term goals.
- Take (and pass) the CISSP exam.
- Lose 50 lbs.
- Go on an Outward Bound backpacking trip.
- Volunteer for Veterans Affairs.
- Move back to the East Coast.
- Get my PI license in CA.
- Renew my PI registration in VA.
- Complete my psych degree.
- Look into criminology masters degree programs (Penn?)
- Learn Romanian and Russian.
- Play fiddle at a contra dance.
- Travel to Ireland, Croatia, Romania, and Russia.
- Buy a kayak.
- Learn how to make Chicken Kee Mow.
- Take baking and cooking classes.
- Learn Perl.

I swear I’m losing my mind…

I’m a busy gal, and I have a bad habit of overbooking myself at work. If there’s an open slot in my Outlook calendar, then it’s fair game for scheduling. Recently, I was completely booked from 8:00 – 11:00, and I realized at 10:45 that I hadn’t gone pee since I woke up.

Side note: I am a hot tea addict. I get in the office between 7:30 and 7:45, boot up my computers, and then run into the kitchen to get my hot tea on.

Tea only makes me have to go to the bathroom more, and I made the grave mistake of driving a super tall mug of teas and not going before getting on a conference call. After the call, I ran to the restroom and while sitting on the toilet, I noticed a black spot on my inner thigh. Instead of thinking, “oh, that’s a piece of fuzz from my corduroy pants”, the first thought which flashed through my head was “OMG I have cancer because I held my pee too long!” Spontaneous skin cancer due to a full bladder?!? What is wrong with my mind?
Of course, it ended up being just a piece of fuzz and after peeing, I was able to jump to normal, sane conclusions.

ew. ew. ew.

I like Wil Wheaton. Okay, so I didn’t like Wesley Crusher, but I like him now, all-grown up as a voice actor and writer. HOWEVER! I just saw the Criminal Minds episode in which he portrayed a terribly creepy sadist-rapist, and now I don’t think I can go on vacation in California again. Dammit!
Thank god I watched this episode after my short 2 night vacation up in Jenner, CA. I am only going to stay in large obnoxious hotels from now on.

Wil, I’m going to blame you if I have nightmares tonight.

Seriously, poking that guy in the eye with a knife through the peephole was effed up.

I hate California.

This will be a constantly updated list of Why I Hate California.

1. People cannot drive here. I don’t understand this. California drivers constantly drive under the speed limit, are afraid of all kinds of weather, and routinely get in my way. Stop complaining about traffic; 101 is nothing compared to the Capital Beltway.

2. There are no Waffle House, Dunkin Donuts, Chik-fil-a, Cracker Barrel, or Raising Cane’s franchises within a reasonable drive of San Francisco. What is a East Coast ex-pat to do (especially this Southeast ex-pat)?

3. What the hell is wrong with the weather out here? Seriously. These micro climates are bizarre. I experience three – five different types of weather throughout my day: I live on the peninsula, I work in the city; it can start sunny, then foggy during my commute, rainy at the office, and then windy on the drive home. I’m surprised everyone doesn’t have consumption here.

4. People have a low alcohol tolerance here. Maybe my East Coast friends are lushes or perhaps the people I’ve met here have other conflicting substances in their systems, but wow, I feel like Marion Ravenwood from Raiders of the Lost Ark when I drink out here.

…long time no see, eh?

I know, I know. I said I would maintain this blog and I haven’t.

What have I done over the past year:
- work work work
- catch something very swine flu-like
- traveled to Hawaii for the first time
- started the volunteer process for a local charity (I had an interview and was fingerprinted. I’ll have orientation in January.)
- rented a violin and started fiddle lessons in late December

but most of all, I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up over stupid crap, not getting out and meeting new people, and becoming more frustrated with my current path in life.

*so* for real, I am going to start blogging more of my opinions and misadventures. I’m keeping this separate from other blogs and social networks of which I am a part. If close friends and co-workers figure it out, that’s fine, but in general, I think these issues and misadventures don’t require knowledge of my identity. Honestly, your mental concept of me is probably way more interesting (and less fat) than I am.

To sleep, perchance to dream…

Over the past month or so, I’ve been getting very anxious before going to sleep. I know it’s most likely due to me getting all worked up anticipating the next day at work. Around the holidays, the anxiety was so bad that I would get nauseated as soon as I would lie down. This anxiety/nausea combo was leading to trouble falling asleep and waking up in the middle of the night to look at the clock (as if my alarm clock was going to cease operating as normal and “forget” to wake me up on time). It’s craziness.
I went to my doctor, and she prescribed Ambien. I was hesitant to try it because I didn’t want something addictive, nor did I want to become dependent on a drug to fall asleep.
I took a half a pill for a few nights, and I observed a few things:

1. If I was already tired, I would drift off to sleep with no anxiety about the next day.
2. If I wasn’t tired, I noticed a weird drifting feeling, similar to the feeling you get after anesthesia has been administered, but you haven’t gone under yet.
3. Ambien made the nauseated feeling worse.
4. Ambien did keep me asleep the whole night without feeling groggy in the morning.

Unfortunately, that weird drifting feeling was a miserable sensation. I’ve stopped taking Ambien, and I am going to have my doctor call in a prescription for Rozerem. I’ve taken Rozerem in the past, and the worst side effect I experience was strange dreams. I think I can deal with strange dreams in exchange for a good night of sleep. I know I don’t *need* a full night’s sleep to function, but I’d prefer it.

…there was a man sitting in the elevator with me who knew exactly what he wanted

…and I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he.

Today, I’m home from work because I have one of those terrible plague colds you get from traveling. I thought I would be lucky and not catch one this time around. I washed my hands, I stayed away from sick people, I even stuck those Zicam zinc swabs up my nose before and during my trip. But alas, the plague got me. I guess it was just my time; I didn’t catch the plague during any of my recent business trips, so I was due.

Anyway, I’m lying here on the couch scrolling through the cable guide looking for romantic comedies, as I’m want to do when I’m sick, heartbroken, or wistful, and I started watching “You’ve Got Mail.” I own YGM on DVD. I could watch it uninterrupted, but, I don’t know, there’s something about watching it on TV. Plus, I can check email, transfer the laundry to the dryer, or write silly blog posts during the commercials.

So, there’s a scene in “You’ve Got Mail” where Tom Hanks’ character, Joe Fox, gets stuck in an elevator with his girlfriend Patricia, played by Parker Posey, some other resident in his building, and the elevator operator. For those of you who haven’t seen this movie or don’t remember the scene, one by one they discuss what they will do when they get out of the elevator. One lady says she’ll get back in touch with her mother, the elevator operator will marry his long time girlfriend, and Patricia says she’ll get her eyes lasered. A very self-centered response. An hour trapped in an elevator and that’s the level of Patricia’s introspection. And for a long time, that’s been me… I’ve strived to be Patricia, intense, workcentric, devoid of real personal attachments, bursting with spastic energy. Joe describes Patricia as making coffee nervous.

However, I’ve noticed that as each year passes, deep down, I want to be something more than that. But what exactly do I want to be? What more should I be doing? There are the little things: learn to play violin, learn to sail, exercise more, lose weight, but the big things? I’ve considered joining the Peace Corps to help build cyber infrastructure in underdeveloped countries. I’ve considered leaving this industry altogether to work in a field with more tangible results. This year, I’m going try to figure out what “something more” is and not let any more time pass by.

If you like Pina Coladas, then it’s okay to look.

Every time “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes comes on the radio, my husband and I crack ourselves up. We don’t feel the ending is realistic. After perusing the personal ads while his “old lady” was asleep, he decides to desperately respond to an ad that piqued his interest. (Is that the 70s equivalent of browsing Match.com while your wife is sleeping? I bet she doesn’t think it’s okay to look.) The singer says he didn’t even think about his old lady while he was planning his tryst. He was bored in his current relationship and this was an opportunity for some excitement. (Maybe they should have held a key party.)
If this scenario played out in the real world, how do you think their meeting would have went down?

[Old Lady]: Oh, it’s you. (disappointed) What are you doing here? I thought you were going bowling.
[Singer]: (Perturbed that his old lady is here) What are *you* doing here? I thought you were at some ladies book thing.
[Old Lady]: (Notices the Pina Colada in his hand and everything clicks in her head). What’s that?
[Singer]: Pina Colada.
[Old Lady]: (angry) Since when do you drink Pina Coladas?
[Singer]: Since always.
[Old Lady]: You came here to hook up with someone.
[Singer]: What are you talking about?! I am not.
[Old Lady]: (mockingly) I’m surprised you’re not drinking champagne.
[Singer]: (looks at her oddly and notices the Pina Colada in front of her at the bar) You fucking bitch, it was *your* ad.

A new year, a new blog…

Hey there strangers. Just like the others that have come before me, I’m starting a new blog for the new year keeping track of the good, bad, silly, and weird things in my manic life.

I’ll be posting rants, raves, recipes, pictures, and other tidbits of my world. A virtual scrapbook of sorts. I can’t guarantee I’ll post regularly, but I intend to post something interesting once a week.

So let’s see how this goes…